it never gets easier

The teenager died. He died in my arms and I couldn’t do anything. I cried. It always get to me to see a kid die. Maybe only because it keeps reminding me that I cannot have one of my own, that we, Alex and I, cannot ever have a baby. He looked so young and so helpless and obviously there was nothing we could do to save him, but still I feel guilty. Alex remained stunned for hours, trying to find some logical explanation. He told me that we had to go on with the tests, to find out what occurred to him but I feel so tired. He died but Alex seems untouched by his death. He’s not reacting as usual. He keeps testing this young boy’s blood as if it was the only thing that matters… He wants to understand. But what good can that do now that it is too late? We had a huge fight when he decided to do an autopsy of the poor kid without telling me. Sometimes, really, I must admit that our views differ completely!

He’s a teenager but it is impossible to tell exactly his age. Alex ran the same blood tests five times. None of the treatment we tried work. We don’t know what he suffers from and we feel helpless and challenged. Alex thinks we should look for further explanations. He’s convinced that there is an explanation. For sure. He multiplies the tests. On my side, I’ve be trying to find his family but I didn’t find anyone. I asked the workers, they told me they discovered him the way he was. No one knows him and no one can explain us what is the meaning of the tattoos he has on his body. I don’t know what to think. He remains unconscious and I don’t even know his name.

bridge incident

We’ve been woken up early in the morning by two men who work at the building of a bridge only a few miles from here. A slope of the mountain had collapsed on the site and people got injured but the falling rocks. When we got there we found a young Nepali completely naked among the injured workers (luckily nothing serious). He was like born from the earth, covered of dust. My first check up was unbelievable; all his vital functions were slowed down to a minimum. His heartbeat could hardly be heard. We first treated him right there: it would have been too dangerous to move him. It's only at night that we decided to bring him back to our little hospital.

walking

The inhabitants of the village have noticed that we were fond of walking. They find this funny.

Some of them offered us to work for us as our guide. I guess this is the way they found to thank us for taking care of them. They are incredibly poor, really, but they seem to be happy nonetheless. I have no regret about my decision: I was right to come here.

pioneers

We decided to make a round of visits through other valleys in order to treat and help more people than those of the nearest villages. We feel we're like pioneers of the old west. We spend endless days on rough trails and unpaved roads but… we haven’t been so happy for long.

brr

It’s getting colder and colder now. The winter makes our rounds incredibly more difficult. Alex tells me he doesn’t mind. He really does impress me. Santa Fe and Matthew seem to be only a bad and old souvenir. We never talk about it and it’s probably the best thing to do. I know Alex well, talking wouldn’t make things change. He’ll open himself to me only when he decides to do it.

merry christmas

Merry Christmas in Nepal! We went yesterday to see the eternal snow of Himalaya. We seated on the world’s roof… We feel so good just as if our problems had vanished and a new life began.